Justin, Julie, Jackson and I left Provo last Wednesday morning and started our trip to Missouri. I was really worried about how Jackson would do on the trip since he hates being in his car seat so much, but he was so good I could hardly believe it. We drop through the night and arrived in St. Louis Thursday around 4am. We all went straight to bed and slept until 10:30am--the latest Jackson has ever slept =). We spent Thursday with Justin's family in St. Louis and around 1pm my mom called me and told me that my Step-dad was not doing well at all. For those of you who don't know he had been battling cancer for the past three years. Justin, Jackson and I left St. Louis that evening and arrived in Quincy, Illinois at 10pm. We were able to spend some time with mom and Mike (my step-dad) and Justin was even able to give Mike and my Grandfather belssings that evening. My Mom, Grandfather, Justin and I all went to bed about 3am and at 6am my Grandfather came in to tell us that Mike was passing. Justin and I went in and sat with my Mom and Mike as he passed. It was obviously a very emotional time for everyone, and Mike passed away at 6:30am on Friday, April 22. Friday afternoon my mom, grandfather and I went to the funeral home with Mike's parents and finalized all the funeral/visitation plans. Mike and my mom had already been working on some of the arrangements. The visitation was scheduled for Monday from 4-7pm and the funeral Tuesday at 11am.
The weekend was really hard for everyone, especially my mom. I'm not sure how you comfort someone who just lost their husband. Jackson was a good distraction for everyone and I think that we were all glad he was there and was so active. The visitation went well, but I think that standing in line for 3.5 hours is way too long. Everyone was completely exhausted, mentally and physically, but we slept better that night than we had been. The funeral too went well. It was a Catholic service, which was much different than an LDS service. I think that LDS services are much more upbeat and I just wanted to be able to tell everyone that there is life after death and that eternal families are a possibility, but I just had to do it inside. The gravesite was the hardest for my mom, and she needed a lot of help leaving. After the funeral there was a luncheon put on by Mike's parents church for all the family and friends. It was nice to be able to spend some time with all of my family; something we really haven't done since my grandmother's funeral 3 years ago.
Today has been pretty hard because now there is nothing that needs to be done, which makes things worse so I am trying to think of things mom and I can do to keep her mind off of everything. So far we've deep-cleaned the livingroom and steam-cleaned the livingroom carpet and couch. I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom on Saturday and Justin cleaned the Office on Saturday so we'll see what we can do tomorrow..maybe deep-clean the office or clean out the kitchen cabients. All I know is we have to stay busy =). I think mom is going back to work this weekend and then it will just be Jackson and I in the evenings a couple days a week for the next two and a half weeks. Justin left this morning and was in Laramie, WY about 1.5 hours ago and Jackson and I will be here with my mom until May 14. I'm glad that we are able to be here for her, but I'm running out of things to do and its only been a couple of days...any ideas?
Sorry this is such long and fairly depressing post, but I wanted to let everyone know what was going on with us and also find out if anyone had any ideas of things I can do to keep us busy. I need to keep not only my mom busy, but also Jackson and I.
What a wonderful opportunity to be able to be there when he passed. That must have been a great comfort to him.
ReplyDeleteIt's been my experience that keeping your mind off of the events that have unfolded actually prolongs the grieving process. It's very healthy for her to cry, get angry, and let it out. She needs to think through those emotions and to face them head-on, or she'll be battling them her whole life. I know that's not very helpful, but it is what it is.
I think that your advice is good, although maybe not for everyone. People all deal with grief differently and while it might be good for some to sit home all day and cry, for my mother that would not be helpful to her.
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